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hauntrickstump:

spangefucker:

meatbicyclevevo:

somebody once told me the world was gonna

end on december 21, 2012. i bought all of this fucking pasta as a way to celebrate the end of the world and now i’m $10,000 in debt and i have pasta everywhere in my house

i ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed

officialunitedstates:

me at the club picking up girls:  hey how are you doing.  I would ask for your number but I already know it.  you’re #1.  I’ll call you later